Merry Christmas 2013!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Rogers!

We hope this message finds you happy and healthy this holiday season!  2013 was another big year for the Rogers family as we have moved to Cedar Hills, Utah!  We are truly experiencing a white Christmas season so far!  Here's a look back on this year, and how we got here...

Londyn (20 months)- If you've ever been around this sweet bundle of joy, you'd know that she is the most expressive child.  The faces she makes are priceless!  We feel like she has an older soul about her- she tends to read people very well and is a good judge of character.  This winter as we took a ride on the "Polar Express", she became the VIP of our car as she reached out to every helper, Elf, Mrs. Claus and even Santa Claus himself, as they walked by.  They carried her up and down the isle of the train as we sang Christmas songs.  She loves attention, and being the baby of the family, she gets lots of it!  She has also began going to nursery at church- which is a huge milestone for us to not have anymore babies in the hall!  She's learning to talk and has quite an array of words that she is learning, including the seasonal "Ho, ho, ho!"  She has become a huge fan of FaceTime-ing with family members and is so excited to see grandmas and grandpas back in California.

Carson (3 1/2)- Our buddy boy is such a sweetheart.  He melts my heart on a constant basis.  He will walk into a room to find me, just to give me a hug and tell me he loves me.  We've contemplated seat belting him to his dinner chair, because he's constantly getting up to come around the table.  He looks at me with his big eyes and smile and says, "Mommy...I just wanna give you a hug."  How can I argue that?!?!  He is obsessed with pretend play and has an amazing imagination.  We currently have five, FIVE, imaginary "dogs".  Some are actual stuffed dogs, theres a stuffed lion that's a dog...and I think a few more are invisible.  He's into everything ninja and superhero and is constantly asking me if I want to play too.  He always lets me be the pink Power Ranger.  He started preschool in the fall, two days a week, but begs to go to school everyday.  He absolutely LOVES it and his teacher Mrs. Redd.  He's loving the snow and asks on a daily basis to go play in it.  I tell him most days, that there will be A LOT of time for us to make snowmen and go sledding.  (Like, plenty of months...and years... of snow in our future!)  Carson also played his first season of soccer this year, and we really saw this little athlete come out!  He's been talking about going back to "Caulifonia" for Christmas for months now and cannot wait to see everyone!

Montana (7)- I cannot believe I just typed that number next to one of my childrens' names.  I still am in shock and disbelief at times that she is as old as she is.  We went to an "It's Great to be 8!" fireside this last Sunday, where we talked about her upcoming Baptism in 2014.  As she got excited about Activity Days and the details of a baptism, I couldn't help but get teary eyed thinking about what huge milestones are in store for my "baby" this year.  She has transitioned really well into full day school and first grade.  She LOVES her teacher and her school and her friendly, positive and determined demeanor have really helped her with this big move to a new school and all new friends.  She misses all her cousins and friends in California, but has loved every minute of living in Utah.   She played her third season of soccer this year and is such a natural at it.  She also started gymnastics and loves it! She is reading like crazy and spells like a champ!  She is pretty determined on her grades, as she came home crying when she got a 9/10 on her spelling test last week.  I can't imagine what I would do without my responsible girl who looks after her siblings, does chores without being asked and is also one of my very best girlfriends.  Like her brother and sister, she is so excited to see all of her family and friends in California for Christmas!

Stacy-  Yes, I KNOW I left out my age....you don't ever ask a woman that!!! Okay, okay, I'll spill since it was a big one this year.  I hit the big 3-0...and guess what?  I love it!  I actually am so excited about my 30's and all that are in store in that decade.  I've set some pretty high goals for myself and am excited for what the future will bring.  The move to Utah has probably been the hardest for me in the family, because I left a network of women in my life- mothers, sisters, friends- that are irreplaceable.  However, when I say hard, it doesn't accurately portray the beauty of this experience and how seamlessly we have been able to start our lives out here.  We have truly been blessed and know that we are in the right place.  I thankfully have some family out here, some friends from home that have made their way to Utah as well, and have made some friends that have made all the difference in this transition.  My sanity has also come in the form of a very similar routine nearly everyday.  I love to go to the gym and have found it to be even moreso than just a hobby and passion, but almost a job I do everyday for myself, and my family. (I'm not a fun person to be around without a shot of endorphins!)  I have a lot of aspirations to delve more into music out here and am looking forward to putting more time and effort into that in the coming year.   I, too, am very excited to go back to Sacramento.  The kids and I haven't been back since we moved in June- and I can't wait to hug all our family and friends!

Marc- I have never seen this man happier.  This new endeavor, still in the annuity and life insurance industry that he's been in since 2006, has brought us to Utah County where he has partnered with some really amazing people that he truly enjoys being with and learning from.  He has enjoyed being a member at the country club right across the street from his office...so he has definitely spent some time "working" on the golf course.  He has taken us on some getaways to help break up this transition- we went to Vegas and Disneyland as a couple and then to Disneyland as a family, and have also spent a lot of time checking out the local scene at Farmers Markets, Corn Belly's, the country club pool, Alpine Live Nativity and lots of restaurants, etc.  We are thankful that he is able to spend so much more time with us with some flexibility in his schedule.  He also enjoys working out at either the club on his lunch or at the gym with me on the weekends, as well as playing early morning basketball three times a week.

We are all very excited about our life out here in Utah!  We are getting used to the cold weather and the white scenery.  I'm constantly saying, through chattering teeth, how extremely beautiful it is out here.  Living right by the mouth of the American Fork Canyon, we've really been able to see the array of beauty that we are fortunate enough to live in.

One of the main things that has remained the same for us this year, as always, is our love for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  We believe a loving Heavenly Father has led us on this journey and know that we have been blessed by His grace and mercy.  At this time of year especially, I want to express our gratitude for our Savior, Jesus Christ and how thankful we are that a child was Born to live the most exemplary life, suffer for us, die for us and ultimately redeem us through his Resurrection so that this family that we have built, can be eternal.  We hope that you as well have felt His love throughout this year and throughout this holiday season, and that we can all ALWAYS remember, among the hustle and bustle of fun traditions, games and songs, that He is the reason for the season.

Have the merriest of Christmases with your loved ones and such a Happy New Year!  Our best to you and yours in 2014!

Love,
The Rogers

Be Strong

As I've gotten older, I've grown to have a certain confidence in myself that I am a strong person. I've been through significantly difficult experiences that have pushed me past limits of physical and emotional capacities that I didn't know I had and I came out not only alive but generally well and blessed. So, I don't know if its prideful to admit this but I will anyway, I think I'm pretty strong. 

However, as my previous post Regaining Sensation mentioned, this move has proved to be a more substantially life changing and faith building trial than I had actually anticipated. It's pushed my personal buttons in such ways that have made me actually question myself, my character and even that strength that I had come to believe so fully about myself. But, being the full of faith and God fearing Christian woman I am, I do truly believe in the concept of all difficulties ultimately contributing to the greater good within us...that is, if we choose to fight past it and turn it into that good versus accepting the defeat and succumbing to the adversaries desires to dummy ourselves down to the lesser version of ourselves that he wants us to be. It's kind of his thing, to bully the crap out of us, in hopes that we will believe his lies and embrace them as truth. It makes him feel big and important-- which are two things that he really isn't at all. 

But back to the point, we are fighters by nature. We fought to make it to this life. We inherently know that we are progressing to something and in order to progress we must fight, battle, learn through living and grow through the grit of trial. 

The problem with fighting is that it is hard, it is exhausting, and we often times lack the motivation that will get us comin' out with our game face on and our dukes up. 

If you've ever played any sort of sport or ran a race, you might agree with me that motivation is key for your mental game, which I must add, is as equally important as your physical game. Sometimes that motivation is a song, or a quote, or a person or prize. It's been a myriad of things for me over the course of the last six or so years that I've been more physically active, but a current motivational theme for me would be music. A good playlist is very key to a successful workout for me. 
Tell me what person in American culture, or maybe even internationally, wouldn't recognize the movie Rockys theme song, Eye of the Tiger, and not feel the sudden urge to amp up? It's more of a feeling than even a melody and beats anymore. That's what certain songs can do for me mentally, to motivate me. 

Songs like David Guetta, ft. Sia -"Titanium" (because after making it through some trials I really have felt like I have been shot down, but I didn't fall-because I AM titanium-). Alicia Keys- "Girl on Fire" (Tell me that song doesn't make you feel EMPOWERED!) and most recently, Katy Perry's "Roar" (that's like an anthem for really figuring out how strong you are and you want to show the world just how strong you are!)

In our church we have a semi annual conference that is a general meeting for not only the members of our church, but for the world if they should wish to watch, listen to or read the messages.  One of my favorite talks from this past conference last month was by Elder Richard J. Maynes- of the Presidency of the Seventy.  His talk, titled The Strength to Endure , stuck out to me as he related our spiritual strength and stamina, spiritual FITNESS if you will, as needing the same level of care, exercise and attention that is necessary to be physically strong.  One of my favorite phrases from his talk:

"When we face adversity in life and our desire is to emulate the attributes of Jesus Christ, it is essential to be spiritually prepared. Being spiritually prepared means we have developed spiritual stamina or strength—we will be in good shape spiritually. We will be in such good shape spiritually that we will consistently choose the right. We will become immovable in our desire and ability to live the gospel. As an anonymous author once said, 'You must become the rock the river cannot wash away.'

Because we face challenges every day, it is important that we work on our spiritual stamina every day. When we develop spiritual stamina, the false traditions of the world, as well as our personal daily challenges, will have little negative impact on our ability to endure in righteousness."

I appreciate and reap the benefits everyday of my physical strength and care I take of my body.  When I'm chasing after my three kids, when I'm trying to carry in ALL my bags of groceries at once, when I'm carrying around my 18 month old and multitasking as she is in her clingy stage, etc.  And I'm thankful for a body that carries me where I need to go and helps me accomplish things.  It makes me feel strong.

But, my spiritual strength is what really sustains me.  What really carries the load.  When I don't take the time to exercise it, it is evident in all aspects of my life.  Everything is harder... and I am weaker.  We are meant to be tough enough to fight through the trials of this life.  Our spiritual capacities are way more than our physical could ever dream to be.  It seems to me then, that the amount of spiritual exercising we should be doing would exceed our physical.  I can't say I am doing that as literally as I may like as of now, but I am working toward it.  Since I set my 30 goals, I have been more consistent at scripture reading and I feel good about it- but in comparison, it is still not as consistent as my gym time, or as long of a focused amount of time.  However, the difference having that extra spiritual exercise everday has made in my life, is immeasurable!

So, my thought for the day is that I'm strong.  You're strong.  We're all strong.  We are enduring this life and doing what we can to build our spiritual and physical muscles for the fight(s).  And, man, I feel strong.  And while that strength is evident in many facets of my life, the source of my strength is Jesus Christ and His Gospel.  

I'm 30!

~I wasn't going to be afraid to turn 30.  I actually spent the last year of my life saying how I felt 30 already- I had three kids, had been married 8 years, had lots of  big life experiences that had made me feel like I was no longer in my twenties.

Then for some reason, a week or so before my birthday, I started to feel that sterotypical fear of the inevitable 3-0! Being the over analytical person I am, I spent the last week in reflection.  I talked to my husband, family and closest friends about how I thought I was feeling this way because so much was different on this birthday.  Every birthday I'd had up until now was in the same place with the same people.  I could predict and maybe even plan on how my birthday would've been spent back home.  Here, everything was different. Some things good different...and some things sad different.  I just didn't know what to expect.  And I like to plan...I like to control.  Lastly, I think it was symbolic of a new phase of life and although I was excited for it, I was feeling pressure in some areas that I know I still need to accomplish.

My last day of my twenties came and I woke up feeling amazing.  I came to a realization about where I was in my life.  I had a clear perspective of all of the beauty that the last decade of my life had brought.  Ten years ago, on my 20th birthday, I may have had one of the worst birthdays of my life.  I got in my first car accident- I rearended my sister on our way to church in my first car that I had bought myself 2 months earlier.  Because of the car accident, I had to defer a semester at BYU-Idaho.  I was coming out of a long-term relationship with someone and was very distraught over it and almost lost my receptionist position for answering the phone and sounding depressed! HA!  I can laugh at it now, but at the time, my future felt grim.   However, in my 20th year, about six months in, I found my Marc...and the beautiful journey of becoming a REAL adult began.  In the last decade, I have cultivated a true, lasting, love and friendship with my eternal companion, that we work on with instense focus and determination to keep that love burning stronger and longer with each passing day.  We have built an eternal family together, adding three beautiful spirits.  We have been through some intense UPS and some major DOWNS.  We have bought a home, sold a home, fought through hard issues, dealt with medical problems, worked hard to cultivate a career for Marc and made a big move, bringing our family to a new place.

I mentioned earlier that I like to plan and control things... and I will always be that way, but the reflectant perspective on this decade is proving to me that the best things that have happened to me (and us) in these years have been the things we did not plan on and did not control.  They have been the heart wrenching trials, the "dig-deep for our faith" moments, the unexpected miracles, that have been the things that have made us learn and grow the most.  And I realized how much I have been able to gain as a person from all of the experencies in my twenties.

And when I started them, I struggled to know who I was.  I didn't really know what I wanted out of life and lacked motivation and confidence to take the reigns and make things happen, instead of wait for things to happen to me.  And now, at the beginning of my thirties, I am feeling fresh and new.  I am feeling motivated and confident and strong that I am equipping myself with the tools I need to accomplish the things in life that I want to and that while I may not always be able to control what happens to me, I can control how I react to things and what I can learn from them.

I am on fire and ready to take on this next decade- bring it on THIRTIES!~

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I decided to make a sort of impromptu bucket list for this next decade.  Now that I know more of my capabilites and am a little more aware of what I want at the beginning of THIS decade, as opposed to the last, I feel like I might be prepared enough to set these goals.  And... writing it down makes me a little more accountable!  Also, this is a list of what I want to accomplish personally...not including the many things I want to accomplish as a mother, a wife, and a church member.

...in no particular order...

1. Finish my education with AT LEAST a bachelor's degree.
2. Learn to play the guitar...well.
3. Record an album- even if its nothing major, I want to have an album for posterity.
4. Run at least one full marathon.
5. Be able to do 10 pull ups.  I'm still barely able to do one...on a good day...so this is a big goal!
6. Finish one whole book of scripture (Book of Mormon, New Testament, Old Testament, Doctrine and Covenants) once a year.  Most likely rotating on that schedule. Means I should read them each twice, and the Book of Mormon and New Testament three times!
7. Attend the temple monthly!  That's 120 times at least.
8. Learn to play the organ.  I always said I wasn't going to do this so that I didn't always get this calling...but I think it's a dying art, and what is Sacrament Meeting without the organ?
9. Get my insurance license (and maybe some other designations in that field)- in order to help my sweet husband with his line of work.  Or at least just understand better what he does.  I always thought it would be so great to help him with his work.
10. Write a book.  Not sure about what yet, but most likely topical!
11.  Keep a weekly journal.  At least 520 entries.  So good for posterity!
12.  Read a leisurely book ever other month- 60 books.  I'll take book suggestions!:)
13. Golf with my husband at least 4 times a year (quarterly).  That's 40 times.  I want to be good so that we can play in retirement together.  I enjoy it and would love to play more often, but this is a do-able goal.
14.  I'm so afraid to write this down...because this is something I am afraid I will never be good at... but... learn to sew!  AHHH. I'm only setting the expectation at LEARNING.  Repairing holes.  Sewing a blanket.  That kind of thing.
15. Learn to BBQ. Marc is the BBQ Master, and for the last 9 years I've thought- why mess with learning it when I live with the KING of the QUE.  But, sometimes he works later and I want dinner to be ready, and I have not even the first idea how to do it.
16. Travel to Europe.  This is very vague, but I will consider a trip anywhere there a successful goal met.
17. Get a handle on Family History Work.  And even if much of ours has already been done, at least learn about it.
18. Get a certification to teach some sort of aerobic activity class.
19. Plant and cultivate a garden.  That actually brings forth a harvest.
20. Learn to can and use what I harvest.
21. Successfully train a puppy and keep it.  Still have yet to do this, but I do love dogs and desire to have one.
22. Get better at snowboarding.  Since I live in Utah, I should be able to get lots of practice.
23. Learn how to mow a lawn.  I never have- this is ridiculous, but I just haven't.
24. Put on a concert- of my music, sung by me, played by me.
25. Write an article on something and get it published, somewhere.
26. Swim with dolphins. I've always wanted to do this!
27. Write my life story ( up until the point I'm at- and then add to it...)
28. Go to NYC and see a play on Broadway.  And eat lots of food.  And do lots of shopping. :)
29. Host one holiday dinner event or party a year. Be it for friends or family or both- I love doing this sort of thing but let anxiety about details, invite list, etc. get in the way.
30. At the end of each year, write a letter to myself of what I have accomplished and learned- to be opened when I'm 40.

This is a totally impromptu list I made in one sitting.  Some are dumb.  Some are really big.  And I hope to accomplish them all.  Maybe I will add to the list as I go...I'm sure there are things I'm forgetting.  But at least it's a start.

Here's to the next 10 years!

Regaining Sensation

Oh my word...I'm blogging.  I didn't even know if I would remember my blogger login, it's been so long.

Does anyone even blog anymore?  I mean, everyday people, not the really cool people who have talent... like super cool writers, designers, photographers, etc.  Like, everyday Stacy's?  Well, this everday girl has decided, that I need an outlet.  And, back in the good old days of 2008-ish, when I was a really good blogger, I think I was a happier, more fulfilled person.  Because I had a place to LET it OUT.  OUT-LET.

Hi Blogger.  Even if it's just me and you, I'm glad to be back.  I've needed it.  A lot has happened in our lives- and it's all just in my head.  Aside from a few status updates on Facebook and a million pictures on Instagram, there is no record.  Because I'm about as good at journaling as I've been at blogging.  It's got to change...so, today, I'm changing it.

Here's a new element for this blog- I'm blogging from Utah!  I, like, LIVE here now.  I'm sure you've heard. My amazingly talented and successful husband has exceeded my expectations yet again, and his career has landed us in the mountains of Utah County.  It's really so beautiful.  And yes, I realize it's August, and YES I know it snows.  Can't even tell you how many times I've been asked if I knew it snowed here when telling people about our move.  I can't say I'm stoked about the winters, but we knew it was the right thing for our family to come here, and here we are.

Aside from my brief stint in Idaho as a college student, I've never left Sacramento.  I wasn't particularly scared.  I was sad...leaving our family and friends was the hardest part.  But I felt so certain and guided that this was where we were supposed to be.  That meant that everything was going to be rainbows and butterflies when we got here...right?

Well, no, not exactly.  Here's the thing, there have been lots of rainbows and such ( literally, there have been some beautiful rainbows after the summer rain storms), but among the rainbows, there were rainclouds.  Rainclouds I didn't anticipate (again, like the summer rain storms here in Utah).  It's so weird how all the amazing and blessed elements of a beautiful life can be right there, yet something is still off.  I think it's like the opposite of the whole "rose colored glasses" thing.  I didn't know how to adapt and adjust.  I really didn't anticipate needing to.  I thought it would be like most of my other moves to new wards and cities.  But it's been different.  And it's taken me up until the last few weeks to realize that just because its been different from what I expected, that it hasn't been wrong.  In fact, I think I've had the realization that it's exactly the opposite.  I think everything that has been happening and transpiring has been the right things.  Sometimes the things that are the most right for us are the hardest things in our lives.

It's funny.  I thought that I had been through hard trials.  And I have.  But, even in the grips of death, I never questioned Heavenly Father's will for me.  I KNEW with such certainty that I was always in the right place and doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.   The trial of this move for me has been the question lingering in my mind that I am not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  That I'm not where I need to be.
To be completely raw and honest with you, I felt like Heavenly Father put me here and then left me here to fend for myself.  It was a seriously twisted mindset I was in- half the time, I was the happiest I'd ever been.  Our little family is thriving- spending so much time with each other, swimming, hiking, playing in the park, eating snow cones, going to rodeos and carnivals.  My husband is so happy and fulfilled in his work.  We are close to my brothers and their wives and love the time we spend with them.  We have amazing neighbors and friends that have helped to make the transition feel warm and loving.  So, what was wrong with me the other half of the time?

For some reason, I felt I was losing myself.  I was losing the motivation to be chatty...oh my word, can you believe it?  I was like, closing off.  I wasn't feeling like writing, or singing, or doing anything creative.  The only thing I felt I was doing for myself was working out.  It sounds shallow, but besides being a wife and a mother, working out was my personal priority.

I hid from the reality that, I wasn't very spiritually in tune.  I had  this feeling and expectation like that should've just come naturally.  I had it before I left.  Pretty sure I packed it to come with me.  But somewhere along the way, I must've not been guarding it well enough, because I was losing it.  And instead of scrambling to find it, I kind of felt resentful that it left so quickly.  I was sure that I had built up some sort of reserve of the spirit that should've just stayed regardless my efforts and circumstances.  After all I'd been through and after the sacrifices to come out here and follow the guidance we'd received, I expected that I could just chill.  And I chilled, and so did the warmth in my heart. I went through the motions.  We have been to church every week.  We read scriptures and have prayers.  I have a testimony- I know it is all true.  I just felt numb.  So numb that I couldn't move out of it.

Quick side note: We've only been here two months.  These feelings have only been about a months worth of feelings.  But, for someone who has always felt like I've had an abundance of the spirit and an endless faith in God, a month felt like an eternity.

So, one night as I was praying, and going through the motions of praying, I finally decided to stop hiding from myself and the Lord.  I had been embarrased to admit to Him and myself how numb I felt, which I know is ridiculous when God is all-knowing. Anyway, I finally came out of hiding.  And when I confessed that I felt left alone, I realized how ridiculous that notion was.  He NEVER leaves us.  It's us who leaves Him.  I'm the one who had dropped Him as a priority.  I'm the one who had expected to maintain a relationship with absolutely ZERO effort on my part.  I'm the one who had consumed myself with a self pity of being left alone and a selfish attitude of "look at all I've done".  And I forgot.  I forgot all HE has done!  I forgot His Son and all He has done.  I made myself numb by pushing away the one thing in my life that predicates all happiness and blessings.

You know that feeling after you get a cavity filled at the dentist?  When you can start to feel the sensations coming back but if you purse your lips in a kissy face, half of your mouth still hangs lifeless?  That's where I was a few weeks ago.  I knew that the sensation had to come back eventually, but I felt helpless to go through the motions of moving my mouth but nothing happening.  It made me want to give up hope that the feeling would ever come back.  (Sometimes I do actually worry about that after the dentist...how bad would that be?  Never to make a kissy face ever again....what would we Instagram?)  But, really, the notion that it would never come back is ridiculous, and as you regain sensation in the numb area, you realize how grateful you are to feel again.  And you're resolved to floss everyday so that you'll never have a cavity ever again, because that numb feeling is awful.  And of course, we totally forget to floss that night before bed.  Just like life, when we will resolve to always do the right things, but ultimately fall short again.  The blessing is that even when we forget to remember, WE are never forgotten by Him.  And He is just waiting and waiting for us to regain sensation and let Him back in.

It feels good to be back.  Back to blogging.  But more importantly back to myself.