Twins: Separated at Conception

I have six siblings. The youngest are a set of adopted twin girls, who were transplanted into our lives like vital organs that we could never have lived without.

Then, I have an older sister, Courtney- she's always been my idol. I wanted to look, act, dress and BE just like her, my whole life. I have a younger brother just under me, David- who is the happiest, most chill, most laid back dude you'd ever meet. He's content to just be and life is good as long as there is a Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich somewhere in his future. Whitney is my youngest biological sister, who towers a few inches over me, ten years my junior and a senior in high school. She's gorgeous and athletic- and spoiled. But what 17 year old isn't? (Love you, Whit- hey, I was too...)

So, the twins- they are obviously alike. Twins. Then the three aforementioned siblings, it's like they all sprouted off of the same branch of the family tree. Calm, reasonable, collected- hair and eyes on the lighter side. You can tell they are all siblings.

The one sibling I have yet to mention is Logan. Elder Logan Petersen is a 20 year old missionary in Canada, right now. He's six years younger than me, twice my size and the biggest teddy bear you'll ever meet.

Logan and I, as you can tell are from the same gene pool. We look a lot alike. Dark hair, big brown eyes and kind of a chubby cheeked smile. But, we have way more than looks in common, which is why I call us twins. He and I are not so calm and collected, more worked up and dramatic. When we feel, we feel it with every fiber of our being. Every neuron in our brain is devoted to the things that we are passionate about and when you get us fired up on something we believe in or are willing to fight for, well you've lit a fire that will never die. (No, seriously, just ask the family. We don't shut up. I'm kind of ready for him to come back, so that the annoyance the family feels at my chattiness can be evenly distributed between the two of us again.)

The above mixture of characteristics are bound to make for an amazing missionary. And that's exactly what he is. He is passionate about the work that he does out there. Here is a line from one of his most recent emails, "I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I HAVE COME TO KNOW FOR MYSELF OF THE TRUTHFULNESS OF THIS GOSPEL... THAT CHRIST STANDS SUPREME AT THE HEAD OF HIS CHURCH, AND WE ARE ALL GIVEN A SACRED DUTY TO SHARE HIS GOSPEL! HOW GREAT WILL BE OUR JOY SAVE WE BRING ONE SOUL UNTO HIM!"

It's so crazy when I hear him talk like that- not because I didn't already know that he'd be amazing out there and that he'd grow tremendously, but that's a MAN talking. And when I think of Logey, this is who I think of ...

...it's true what they say, a mission turns a boy into a man. We always knew Logan would do great things. And he's doing them. Even amidst some of the hardest trials that he has ever endured, he's still pushing through. Here are some lines from the email he wrote me this week:

"YEAH, NO DOUBT HE (meaning Satan) IS WAITING FOR ME TO TRIP A BIT SO HE CAN KICK ME WHEN I'M DOWN... AND MAN HE KICKS HARD... BUT AS TRUE AS THAT IS... THE SAME IS TRUE THAT FATHER IN HEAVEN ALLOWS US TO BE HURT BECAUSE WE MUST BE REMINDED HOW MUCH WE NEED HIM AND MORE IMPORTANTLY TO LEAD US TO A REMEMBRANCE OF HIS SON. HE IS THE GARDENER AND AT TIMES HE HAS TO CUT US BACK AND PRUNE US SO WE WILL PRODUCE THE FRUIT HE KNOWS WE CAN. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE THE WORLD IS COMING DOWN ALL AROUND ME, BUT I KNOW THAT IN MY TIME OF NEED I MUST PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH! TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL MY HEART MIGHT MIND AND STRENGTH! NEVER HAS THE GOSPEL MADE SO MUCH SENSE TO ME AS IT DID THIS WEEK."

And this last line, I love, because it's totally my brother Logan, and his sense of humor. "NO DOUBT IM GONNA BE IN A REFINERS FIRE FOR A WHILE...BUT IF YOU GO INTO A FIRE YOU CAN ONLY COME OUT HOT RIGHT?"

I miss this boy...(ahem, man, I guess) tremendously. He's such a light in the life of our family and having him be away for the past year and a half has been tough. We miss us a dose of Logey boy...but just as he knows, WE know he is where is supposed to be, doing what he's supposed to be doing. One day soon, he and I will be competing in the "Who can say the most words in one breath" contest again, but until then, I'm grateful that we have the modern technology to get emails from him weekly. He's taught me so much as Elder Petersen, and I'm grateful for his example this week by saying that even when things are tough, you still gotta...

...hang in there!

Love you, Logey!

Reunited and it Feels so GOOD!

Let me tell you about my friend, REM. She goes by REM sleep, full name being Rapid Eye Movement Sleep...but I call her REMmy. I love my REMmy. When I had Carson, she took a leave of absence from my life. It was understandable..she's not really good with babies. They both require my full attention and of course the baby had to be my first priority. She understood and I sent her off willingly. Not happily, but willingly.

Carson-boo is worth the sacrifice:

And so was my Tana Belle the last time REMmy left me:

The huge adoring eyes, the big chubby cheeks, the drooly chins- they all made the absence from dear REMmy a worthwhile experience.

However, it gets to a point that I know REMmy is ready to come back. That point was this last week when I decided it was time to let Carson "cry it out". I shut Montana's bedroom door, I shut the master bedroom door and turned off the monitor so Marc could sleep, and I shut myself and Carson in his room and set up camp on his floor for an excruciating night. I may have preferred gouging my own eyeballs out with a spoon over listening to my little lovebugs cry for me. I knew if I picked him up, he'd do his sweet nuzzle into my neck and start caressing my hair and sleep all the night long just like that. But, then I'd be done for. REMmy would never come back that way.

So, I endured the H-E- double hockey sticks that was the "cry out method" for one night. Sometimes REMmy's journey back takes a little longer than that, but the very next night, she came back! She kind of surprised me when I went to bed and it was dark and I woke up to the sun. No in between-just a straight shot of sleep. Before greeting her properly, I ran to make sure my baby was alive, and when I saw him sleeping soundly on his side, I comprehended that my REMmy and I...we had been REUNITED!

Sometimes she decides to leave. She doesn't like seeing the kids sick. She's not really a fan of vacation either; kind of a home body. I know in my future, I have times ahead of me when REMmy and I will be apart, but for now...I'm so excited, RAPID EYE MOVEMENT SLEEP, that you are back with me for a time. That we can now dream uninterrupted and my body can paralyze itself in your beautiful slumber.

Safe Place

I am consistently running on an average of five hours of combined sleep at night. Not consecutive... oh no, definitely not consecutive. Double ear infections... twice... in a baby = screwing up his sleeping schedule. Thus inevitably affecting my sleeping schedule. I hear him cry and I feel my way through the dark to his room, running into walls and hitting my shins on the ottoman. When I cradle him back to sleep or pat his back, I'm half asleep and saying silent prayers that this last pat will be the magic slumber touch.

I also have a three and a half year old. As sweet and silly and amazing as she is, there are times that she acts so out of control that I feel at a loss as to what I can do to regain that control. I sometimes get screamed at and hit- and I get confused where that anger comes from and why it's manifesting itself with me. I've had family and close friends, other mothers where Montana has gone over for play dates, and even Marc tell me that she doesn't act like that towards them when I'm not around. We left Montana with my older sister and my mom for a week while we were in Hawaii. After returning, while observing how Montana was talking to me when our kids were playing a few weeks later, my sister informed me that Montana had not been that way with her in any way while I was gone. There were no tantrums, no fits, and rarely a reason to discipline. Initially, that revelation made me feel horrible. I love this little girl more than life. With every fiber of my being. I KNOW she loves me, but why does the worst of her come out under my watch?

At this point you may be wondering what the situation with my son and the situation with my daughter have in common. Well, as I tried to work through the sadness that I felt when I realized that my daughters "special" treatment was something that she reserved solely for me, I came to a conclusion that made all the sense in the world.

When I met Marc, I knew that he was it. Sure, I thought I had found "it" before... and I probably would have put money on that. But, with Marc, everything was always real. I could be myself with him- even if myself was the worst of me. He loved even the ugliest sides of me and that made me feel incredibly safe. I was free to be me completely and he would never judge me, never leave me and always be there to be my refuge from the rest of the cold, hard world.

Now, almost six years of marriage later, he's even more of that for me than I initially realized. I thought about our marriage and how when he has a bad day at work, or its my "womanly time", or when just something is getting one or both of us down, we tend to let it all out on each other.

The world expects you to always push through,

keep your head up,

be a man,

be a lady,

be on your best behavior,

keep it together,

don't show your hurting....

...but with each other, we can stop pushing, hang our heads and cry, be whoever we want to be, be on our worst behaviors, let it all fall apart...and feel the hurt as deep as we want to.

As therapeutic as that is, it's sometimes hard to be the virtual punching bag of another's emotions. Sometimes that's what spouses do- we take the hit for the build up the rest of the world puts on our spouses back. If Marc has a coworker or superior that has given him a hard time, chances are to keep up office etiquette, it's bottled up until the pressure is too much, and when he's feeling safe, the top blows off and I'm the one to pick up the pieces. Same goes for me- when the day is hard, the kids are crying, the messes I cleaned up already five times are being made yet again, the baby pooped out in the middle of Target...and he walks in to a war zone after getting home from work, the top blows off for me and he was just hit with a bomb of emotion he had no way of preparing for.

Now when I say this, I don't want you to assume that there is any physical or verbal bashing of any sort... not that any of you that know us would, but the patience runs short and often, that manifests itself with each other. There's just no more room, no more will power and actually not much of anything left in us to keep a strong face going anymore. We feel comfortable and so we let it all out... even the worst of it.

Marc is my safe place. And I am his.

With this realization, I came to the conclusion, that for Montana, for Carson... for your sweet babies... parents, WE are their safe place. We are there for them to be whoever they are and to love them unconditionally. We are the soft place to land when the world knocks them over. They only know how to be themselves with us. They only know that we are their friend, confidant, provider, caregiver... their everything.

So then, instead of feeling sad about the fact that Montana's worst comes out with me, I decided I love that she feels the closest with me. That I am her safe place.

I love that when she gets hurt, she screams and cries, "I want Mommy!" I love that tonight when Marc took her on a daddy daughter date, he said every five minutes she would say something about me.

And with Carson, I know when he buries his sweet baby face in the crook of my neck to relax and runs his little chubby fingers through my hair, that I am his safe place. I know that when he smiles at me, even though he smiles at everyone, there's a special sparkle in his eye for his mama.

So, I'll take the scattered sleep patterns and the tantrums any and everyday, because nothing feels better than being in your safe place, and I don't want them to feel that anywhere else but in the comfort of my arms.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Just a few funny things Montana has said as of late:

*This morning, as we got ready, she asks me where I went the night before. I said, "Mommy went to an Enrichment Activity for Relief Society." She say's sadly, "Oh, I thought you were lost. And then all I have is a Daddy. And no Mommy and my heart would break in half." (She shaped her hands like a heart and pulled them apart to signify breaking.) The whole thing melted me to pieces. And then she said after a minute, "I guess I'd live with a new mommy. Probably Sammy." (My close friend, and Montana's friend Kami's mom). She seemed content with that solution. And I tried not to feel insecure to the ramblings of a three year old. :) Hope she wouldn't want to replace me that easily. Although I must admit, Sammy is an awesome mommy!

*(Waiting in the bathroom while I run to grab more toilet paper as she informed me it was out) I run down the stairs and into the bathroom, and she jumps and startled says, "Oh, I thought you were a polar bear jumping out of a box!" I said, "Wow, honey, that's random." She said, "What's random?" I said, "Kind of like silly. That was a silly thing you said." Looks at me confused, and then says seriously, "Mom, I'm not being silly." I guess I really did look like a polar bear jumping out of a box? Hmmm....

*"AHHH! Baby boy barfed again. This time it looks like...ew Mommy it's ORANGE!! What is that?" Me: "It's just carrots honey." "I do like carrots. But I don't throw them up. That's disgusting."

*Mommy, does my bum wiggle?" I tell her no and she says, "Well, yours wiggles. Why can't mine wiggle like yours?" I tell her that probably one day when she has babies like Mama, her bum will wiggle too."

and this is what is coming out of Carson's mouth a lot lately...this boy loves to squeal for joy!

If You Really Knew Me

(If you really knew me, you'd know I shoot my husband the "evil eye" for trying to catch unattractive pictures of me eating. It's one of his favorite past times.)

I don't watch much T.V. these days. Especially because I think summer time T.V. can be lame. I must admit though, I did just finish watching The Bachelorette. I've been a fan of the Bachelor franchise for a long time-what can I say? I am a romantic. And although I know it's a bunch of phooey, it's still fun to watch it and get all giddy about love and the fact that I don't need a dumb reality T.V. show to try to find it.

Anyway, some nights when it's late and Marc has already slumbered himself into his snoring portion of the night, I turn on the tube and flip through the channels. A few nights ago I came across a new show on MTV. MTV has some really dumb, pointless and crappy shows. In fact, 99% of them are... but there is this new show called, "If You Really Knew Me", that actually looks to me as though it could really make a positive impact in peoples lives.

Within minutes of watching this show, I was bawling my eyes out. Literally sobbing. To summarize: each episode is a different high school, and the kids in the school are going through what they call "Challenge Day" with motivational speakers. The "Challenge Day" basically teaches them to break down their walls and truly get to know one another, instead of just basing things on cliques, popularity, looks, background, etc. One portion in particular was when they broke into small groups, and they each were to finish a sentence openly and honestly. The sentence began, "If you really knew me..."

There was some ridiculously crazy stuff coming out of the mouths of children. Things I as a 26 year old, married, mother of two have never encountered (and most likely never will). Abuse, depression, immense responsibilities, severe fears of disappointing parents. Some of those fears being realized in actual disapproval vocalized from these parents. A quarterback of a football team that hates football but plays because his parents make him. A "loner" girl who attempted suicide earlier that week. It was amazing to see the walls between high school cliche barriers falling to pieces right within the confines of their circle of trust. As a parent, I sat vowing to never let my children have a reason to deal with any of the things these children were faced with. So much of it had to do with the parenting. All in all, it was an incredibly touching program and one that I've set my DVR to record in the future.

As I went through the next few days, I couldn't get it off of my mind. I started thinking about how quickly all of the students bonded once they truly saw beyond all of the things they had judged each other for being. Loner students and student body presidents embraced and became friends. The hope and potential that this program "Challenge Day" set forth seems limitless. I started thinking about how adults would adapt to a program such as this. I thought about my own relationships in my life.

Family. Friends. Church congregation. Neighbors.

What things have I judged or assumed of others with out truly knowing or having had any idea about their situation and lives? What has been judged or assumed about me, without others knowing my story? Unfortunately, we set those preconceived notions into our minds when we were children, to slowly follow us in our lives. Most of us mature out of the worst of it, but I believe there is a portion of that thinking that probably stays with us forever. When I truly think about it, I may be guilty of it, without even consciously meaning to do it.

The thoughts, ideas and feelings of this program continued to swim throughout my mind all throughout the week. At the end of the week, I found myself in the chair at the salon having a discussion with my hairdresser/cousin. We talked about this, that and the other--her pregnancy, our children, books, etc.

Somehow a conversation came up about feelings of inadequacy in comparison to friends and family in our lives. We both expressed that there were women in our lives that had seemingly perfect lives. People that we looked to as almost having super human powers, where we had wondered, "How do they do it all? How are they always so happy? How is their marriage that flawless? How are their children so perfect and smart? How is she so beautiful and fit? They must be so financially stable that they never struggle at all," followed with the self-doubting questions like, "Why can't I be more like her? What's wrong with my marriage (or me as a wife) that makes it so that we have an occasional disagreement, but they never argue? What kind of a mother am I if my child doesn't know how to (insert random skill) or doesn't sit still in church? What's wrong with me that I can't lose enough weight to look like that?" As dumb as all of those questions sound, those are real feelings either myself or she has had at different points in time as we looked around at others. Although, the self doubt is not normally voiced or expressed, it is felt often.

Since she and I both seemed to have those feelings, I wondered, are we not alone then? And as we talked, I had an epiphany!

Probably "she" (or he, or they...or whoever it is that you look to and admire) has wondered the same thing as they look at someone else. "She" probably has no idea that it seems she has the perfect life or has it all together...because to her, she probably doesn't. Her life is not perfect. She is not perfect. I'm sure even "she" would have a shocking ending to finish the "If you really knew me..." sentence.

(This same notion can go for the people we may look at with anything less than admiration. All too often we look at situations and don't give people credit that they may be due, if we really knew them. This wasn't something she and I discussed, but the judgement goes both ways--and probably the judgement on what we disagree or think down upon about others, happens just as often, if not more frequently. There's most likely way more to the story than we can even imagine...)

As my cousin and I discussed these different admirations about these people, we realized that there were different things we knew about them that were seemingly less than perfect. Those things just didn't stick out as prominently as the "perfection" that seemed to stare us in the face. Because, as we discussed more, we learned things of each other. I would look at my cousin and think, "She's so gorgeous. Her marriage seems wonderful. She has a great career. Adorably pregnant- (I think there just may be a basketball under her shirt). Her child is beautiful. Her home is gorgeous." But, as we talked, I realized although her life is wonderful and blessed... that it is not perfect.

My life is definitely not perfect...and I truly don't think that there would be anyone to assume so. But, I started to think that I never want anyone to look at my life longingly and then turn to theirs and have feelings of doubt or disappointment, like I know I have done before. I would never want to cause anyone to have a misguided view on my imperfect happiness. Because that's exactly what it is...a wonderfully happy life, with plenty of imperfections.

So, just in case it has ever been a question (although I'm sure it has not), I'd like to take the time to let you know a few things...

If you REALLY knew me...

...you'd know, that I have a temper. I lose patience super easily when there are a lot of audible things going on at once. For example, yelling, loud noises, crying babies, TV, music, talking...etc. One or a few at a time is fine, but when all things start to go off at once, I almost can't handle it. My reaction is usually voluminous as well---(which is completely contradictory) and I can raise my voice or even yell, just as good as the next drill sergeant. Of this, I am not proud--I am working on it, but when you grow up in a family of seven children, yelling was sometimes the only way you could get your voice out there. ;)

...you'd know that, when I look in the mirror, sometimes I have a mental issue that makes me feel like I'm looking into a funny mirror at a carnival. I sometimes scrutinize myself long enough that I diminish all of the good things, and focus on the mole on my face that sprouts the occasional whisker, the crooked gap in my teeth, the stretch marks, the spare tire.... and before I know it, I've Nanny McPhee'd myself in reverse. I don't technically have Body Dismorphic Disorder, but something in my brain causes my mind to work against me in that aspect and it's one of my greatest challenges in life.

...you'd know that pretty much up until my dear sweet husband, in most of my more serious relationships, I had my heart broken. Someone I loved very much, and was in a longer term relationship with, broke up with me over the phone and I never saw him again. Although, my marriage and amazing husband has filled every confidence void I ever had in a relationship, there is still a small, young Stacy in me, that wondered if someone that I loved would really ever love me as much as I love them. Now, with Marc, I know there is such a thing...but those scars hurt to look at sometimes. (The new confident Stacy ROGERS, would like to now say, your loss, dude.) jk...I actually don't harbor any negative feelings towards him.

...you'd know that those things that I just typed are nothing compared to the things that I could really divulge if this wasn't the internet and I'm not about to put my every issue and life's problem on this blog. My husband is truly the only person on earth who REALLY knows me...but take my word for it, there is plenty more. Things you probably would never assume or even guess.

And the truth of the matter, is that we ALL have those things. And those things are very personal and should only be shared with those whom you can trust the most, but they exist and if we REALLY knew each other, we might feel a little differently about one another and ourselves.

If we REALLY knew each other, we'd probably have a lot more in common than we would guess. If we REALLY knew each other, we'd probably never judge each other based on the small glimpses we get into our respective lives. If we REALLY knew each other, we'd probably embrace and share tears over the things we each have endured and gone through in our lives.

If you REALLY knew me, you'd know that I love you for just being who you are...and I respect everything you've gone through that makes you who you are. If you REALLY knew me, you'd know that the fact that you're reading my words right now, makes me feel amazing and cared for.

So, maybe if we all, in this "high school" we call life, took the time to try to see beyond the glimpses we catch, we'd know that everyone has a story and that there is so much more inside...

...if you really knew.

Crackin' up

My baby boy loves to laugh

21 Days: Reflections

As you may have noticed, I hadn't posted since day 16. I tried to. I wanted to. But, between this summer cold that has made its way through each member of our family now TWICE and has resulted in yet another horrible ear infection for my 4 month old, blogging was lower on the totum pole. I figured that it was better for me to take the time to accomplish the tasks I wanted, then to spend time writing about it on my blog. I will tell you (though you don't have to believe me) that I did accomplish many things days 17-21. A lot of progress was made, much could have been reported. However, I could also tell you (and you'd probably believe this), that there were plenty of things that left room for improvement. Items left unchecked. Not everything was accomplished everyday.

I will tell you though, that this past 21 Days (wow, now that I think about it, that went by fast...) has really been amazing. I was just telling Marc yesterday that it was such a journey to read out of the Closer to Christ book and feel my life through the topics. Like everyday, we were riding along the pages through this journey. I can't say it enough: I highly recommend this book. In fact, I am considering doing it all over again... but this time, I think I will do a "day" a week. Meaning, the book will take me 21 weeks to accomplish, but I feel like I'd like to spend more time on each of the topics and developing the attribute that is suggested.

As far as everything else goes, let me tell you what I feel I gained from this process.

Scripture Study- I have a new love for studying the scriptures. No really, I do...and I'll tell you why. It's because I realized that it's not the quantity of what you read. It's not even where you read. It's not about reading it order. It's about taking the time to read and making that sacrifice and then resolving to really study the words your reading, learn something from it and ponder it in your heart throughout the day. Even if its one verse. To me, you get more out of it than trying to read them cover to cover, to set some sort of record. Or to say that you did. That's why some days, I had to report that I didn't get to it. Because it won't work everyday and thats okay. Frequency and speed doesn't matter. It's your desire, intent and efforts that make the difference.

Prayer- I don't know how to write on this topic without tearing up. This is probably one of the most personal of all things for me to write on and throughout this process I haven't completely divulged everything I've felt happen for me regarding prayer. But I will tell you that I know with all that I am, that I know that we can speak with the Lord. I know that He hears us. I know that He cares. I know that He worries about us, plans for us, guides us and answers our prayers. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I KNOW, just like the brother of Jared knew (see Ether Chapter 3), after He saw the finger of the Lord, (verse 19), "and he had faith no longer, for he know, nothing doubting." It's not even a matter of faith or the lack of it. It's a matter of knowing He is there and that I have the ability to converse with Him. What greater gift do we have than that? We never need to fear when we have that lifeline to hang on to.

21 Days Closer to Christ Book- As I've said before, don't expect the road to becoming closer to Christ to be easy. It is trying, which is exactly the point I suppose. As we strive to be better, we are faced with opportunity to put to use the characteristics and very principles we are trying to learn. As we grow closer to Him, more is expected of us. You can't undo knowledge. You can't unlearn what you already know. Be careful, because where much is given much is required and when you ask to be taught things that will ultimately better you, you are then expected to do and be better always. I'm grateful for receiving that gift, which is what I truly asked for. Sometimes it might be easier to just sit still and be content with where I'm at, but being stagnant won't bring me to where I need and want to be. Thanks to this process, I'm just a smidgen closer.

Physical Exercise/ Healthy Eating- I LOST 20 LBS!...PSYCH! Nope, in fact I don't think I moved much in either direction during this process. But, that wasn't the point either. The point for me to include this is to help me establish a way of life for my family. My husband and I have always made exercise a priority and for the most part healthy eating. Since the baby has come we have made a push to try to eat even better. There isn't really a point to dieting for me...or with unrealistic workout regimens, to be honest. If I'm not going to, or just plain can't, keep it up, then whatever I gain will never last. I would definitely consider the accomplishments in these categories a success. Raising awareness of what I am doing to take care of my body everyday is always important, and to be accountable for that through this process was a great thing for me.

30 Minutes with Montana- This was probably one of my most favorite things to focus on. I'm so glad I was able to make this a habit, and I plan on sticking to it for sure. I so enjoy my time with Montana and it makes an immense difference in our relationship, our home environment and her overall demeanor. The time and attention she receives really has meant so much to her. She is my princess and I love her so much.

Wake up at 6:30- Definitely this helped me to be in a better mood when my babies woke up. I'm not so much of a morning person, and so being up even just 20 minutes before they woke up would help me at least be in a good mood and be awake enough to start my day. I definitely enjoy being more of an "early to bed, early to rise" girl . Now if I could just work on the "early to bed" part.

Daily Chore- This definitely helped me to realized I spend too much of my day worrying about cleaning and making everything spotless. I like it that way, but I had an epiphany about how it was somewhat selfish of me to put off my kids in order to always make my house be (and stay) exactly how I wanted it all of the time. I always excused my obsessive tendencies when it came to keeping the house nice, with the fact that it was "for the family" and part of my "homemaker" job. Which, both of those things are true. But finding a balance for that is so important too, and I think this process helped me with that for sure.

Showing Spousal Love- This was again one of my favorites. It's so good to remind yourself why you built this life that your living. I have this gorgeous baby boy who's nursing in my lap at this very moment, and my little firecracker sweetheart Montana, all as a reflection of the wonderful man I married. Some days he makes me mad. Some days I make him mad. Somedays we let annoyances of the world get in the way of our love and affections and just to be more aware of the love we have for each other and the purpose of it all, was a huge help. He is forever my boyfriend and I hope he knows everyday how much I love and appreciate him.

THANK YOU- ...to all that read. To all that left words of encouragement. To anyone that supported me through this process. It has opened up a lot of things for me- made me realize what I am capable of accomplishing. It's made me also realize how much I miss writing and how much I love blogging. Granted, it won't be an everyday occurrence, but I do feel it's safe to say I'm back on the blogger wagon.

Will I keep this up? Well, creating habits was the point was it? For the most part, I think I've established healthy routines in my life that encompass all of the above things. Will I be checking off a daily checklist and evaluation sheet...no. Who has the time to keep that going?

Anyway, that's Stacy signing off for this 21 Day journey...thanks for coming along.

Now to go tend to this little cutie...

...who is suffering from an ear infection and vaccination shots today. Not a happy camper...

Still here...

I'm still here...I've still been doing my 21 days...just me and my family have been sick. Blah.

Today is day 21, so I'm planning to do a post today to sum up the last five days.

If I'm not feeling too yucky...

WHOEVER INVENTED THE SUMMER COLD STINKS!