Dear Momma...

My mothers birthday was last Monday. I was going to write a post and then realized my resolution to not blog during family time and it was a holiday. Then we went off to celebrate with her in person and I put it off until the next day...

...the next day, I had a miscarriage. And I spent that day with my wonderful momma and sister-them taxi-ing me around to doctors appointments and being my shoulders to cry on.
Then, it was a dark couple days. Up and down, the roller coaster we women know as "hormones". I had a moment of clarity the night of my miscarriage which resulted in my last blog post and for some reason, that clouded out for a few days and blogging was the last thing on my mind.
Finally, after a wonderful Sunday, the clouds started to clear from my mind and the sun was shining (not literally-no not literally at all. It was very literally rainy outside)...but I felt a million times better. Monday, I woke up with a new attitude and even a bit of a skip in my step. Then...I went to do my calling with Activity Days at the church. Rain, a pair of two year olds and two carpool pit stops on the way there, led to me rear ending a woman in my ward. Nice.

At that point, I lost my mind. I believe it straight flew out the window and was whisked away in the terrible rainy weather, never to be seen again.

After an attempt to call my busy, hard-working husband, I called my momma...and she did what she always does. She calmed me down, sympathized and was there for me. Just like she always is.

So, Mom, I know this post is incredibly belated and for that, I feel horrible, because you are ALWAYS putting your children first and so I don't want this blog post to be indicative of where you lie on my list of priorities. Yet I know, because you are you, you won't ever have taken it that way.

But without further adieu, my letter to you, dearest mother:


Mom,
This morning I dealt with an overly tired two year old. Screams and tantrums rang through the air from 7am until about an hour ago, when I put her down for a nap. And just as I've done on numerous occasion since joining the "Motherhood Club", I've wondered how you did it...all of it. Seven kids, all of us feeling so loved, having your attention and whatever we needed. Dad was traveling most of the week and for almost six of those years, when all seven kids were born and living at home, Dad was Bishop and you had it all on your shoulders.

I'm still amazed by you--everyday. You are the epitome of family devotion. I don't know if there is a time (except for maybe when you purchase M&M's during a grocery trip) that you think of yourself. Sometimes I wish you would, but you know as much as we do that the moment that you stop to think of yourself, the phone will ring and one of the kids will need their lunch or homework brought to them. And you will jump--you will even go get them take out and bring it to the cafeteria so that everyone is jealous of their LaBou bread and dill dip with strawberry Italian soda and say, "Man, I wish my mom was like that." I speak from experience.

All my friends LOVED you, growing up. Our house was the hang out. I don't know how many of my friends called you Mom, and I loved it. I loved that my house was the comfortable place where people could be themselves and feel safe and taken care of. Our home was truly my sanctuary from the world and I knew that no matter what ever happened, I was always safe there.

I have always been able to talk to you about anything...well, everything except for the s-e-x...but hey, that's yucky anyway though right, Mom? I love how on the eve of my wedding you pulled me aside and decided that I'd probably learned or heard enough about it over the years that I probably knew more than you anyway. But I am so grateful that you took that time to ask and care. One thing that I have envied and loved about you is your innocence. I am amazed at how well you have protected yourself from the evils of the world and it stands as a true example to me of a true woman of faith.

Your testimony of the Gospel, along with Dad's, rooted the ground upon which I stand today. I am who I am because of who you taught me to be. I am grateful for the many ways in which I am like you...and strive everyday to have more of your selflessness and charity in my heart.

As I've gotten older, we've grown more and more into friends. Although you will always be my mother, I am proud to truly call you one of my best girl friends. I love being with you and spending time with you. You are truly a hilarious woman-as one of your infamous sayings suggests "It's ALWAYS a party at the Petersen's"...and I would say much of that atmosphere is generated by a fun-loving, easy going, Mom.

Sometimes too easy going, Mom...stop letting all those teenagers get out of doing the dishes, will ya? That only worked for ME when I lived there, remember?

I don't care WHO you are, somewhere deep inside, everyone needs their Mommy. I, personally, need mine in some way shape or form, everyday. Even if we don't talk that day, I think of you and your example and try to exemplify it in my life. I thank God in my prayers EVERY NIGHT for a mother like you...a blessing immeasurable and irreplaceable.

What brings me some of the most sorrow, is that I know, like me, you need your Mommy everyday too. And for ten years, you haven't been able to go to her in the same way I can go to you. As I've entered adulthood, married life and now motherhood, my heart aches more and more for you and the loss of your mother because I truly don't know how I would live without you in my life.

I can't offer you the same thing that you had with your Mom. No one will ever replace that- but I hope and pray that you can come to me (and your other daughters) and we can be your temporary Mommy for those moments that you need it. We can try to give back to you, what you have shared with your children for 29 years...and let you have the shoulder to cry on, the phone call for help, the moment of peace to relax, and a listening ear for venting.

I don't know if personally, I will never be as good a Mother as you, but I owe any successes of Motherhood to the wisdom and love that I learned from watching you. I love you with all of my heart and am so blessed in my life to have a Mother that I can call my friend.

Happy Birthday...belated,
Stace