I'm Gonna Miss This

*Cleaning up the same mess three times in a row.

*Folding laundry I swore I just did yesterday.

*A park day that ends in two children jumping in a massive mud-puddle. One with brand new, first time worn that day, white tennis shoes.

*Beginning potty training Montana on the same day that she starts to have diarrhea.

Last night, after putting Montana down, I was exercising on the elliptical and watching the CMA awards. My hard working hubby was down stairs studying for continuing ed, licenses and designations. I was reflecting about the week I had been having. All the above, and more happened. I had eaten nearly half a bag of chocolate chips on my own (I had REALLY been craving chocolate chip cookies, but swore to myself I wasn't going to give into the temptation and make them. What did it matter when I ate their weight in chocolate chips alone??) It was life. I had gone through my poor me moments, but for the most part, I just was tired. Not upset. Not frustrated. Just tired. I kind of had thought in my head:

Won't it be so nice when Montana is potty trained?

Won't it be so nice when Marc doesn't have to study?

Won't it be so nice when we can buy this and this and this on our list of things we need/want?

Won't it be SO nice when all of the CRAP going on in the world, especially surrounding the aftermath of the elections, just goes away?

Okay, maybe I was a little more than tired. It's one thing when things at home are tiresome and difficult. But it makes it even more disheartening when you see the sign of the times every time you open up an Internet browser or turn on the news. Every day when you see people persecuted for their beliefs. Every day when you see that EVERYONE is hurting, yet, instead of respecting one another and our individual beliefs...more hurt is being spread around. I was in a mini (excuse me, men) PMS-y depressive state.

The exercise was beginning to help. Endorphins. My little prayer with Montana before bed also gave me enough of the Spirit to help me to realize that the beliefs we hold so dear are all that we need to keep going, no matter the persecution.

Slowly, my mood was lifting. The country music was helping. I enjoy the CMA awards more than any other, because for the most part its wholesome and clean. The songs make you feel. And one song in particular, although I had heard it before, gave me a significant boost.

This song is Trace Adkins, "You're Gonna Miss This". If you haven't heard it, I suggest going to youtube watching the video or downloading it. The verses were all different stages of life and how this woman kept wanting something more--looking at the future for all of her happiness. The part that touched me the most was the advice she got throughout the song via the chorus...

"You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this"

I literally had stopped pedaling the elliptical to listen intently to the song. It was like he was saying to me, "You're gonna miss this....You're gonna want this back." And instantly, I felt that. I felt it because I had JUST written at the start of this week how much I missed Montana's baby stages and how fast it went by.

I also realized, I'm going to miss these days where Marc and I are 25...virtually still newlyweds and in the prime of our lives. I'm going to miss the days when he was a young and eager professional just starting out. I'm going to miss the days when we realized that even though we may be sitting on a hand-me down couch watching a hand-me down television...we still had everything we needed right there.

I'm going to miss the days when I even had little kids to take to the park or clean up after. I'm going to miss the days when I'm strong enough to pull a huge load of laundry up and down the stairs.

I'm even going to miss those days that I was able to feel the feeling of standing up for my beliefs and convictions, alongside my fellow Saints, even if it meant being met with name calling and persecution.

I'm DEFINITELY going to miss those days when I could eat a half a bag of chocolate chips and burn them off that night on the elliptical like it never happened.

I'm going to miss the days when my little babies needed me for everything...even if it meant wiping their poopy diapered bottoms.

I already miss it...and I'm living it.

I know its normal to have those feelings of being tired and frustrated in the monotony of life...but I'm grateful for those little moments that make me realize that even through the midst of it all...

...I'm gonna miss this.