I Am Blessed

There are times in my life where I am naturally super reflective. It seems I am in a constant mode of recognizing blessings and am able to really be in tune with how blessed my life truly is. It takes a lot to admit that there are often times though as well, where I am, in all senses of the word, a spoiled brat. I always know deep down, and especially if I am to list off blessings, how guided and watched over my life is. I hate to even admit or question in times like this, because I am God-fearing, and I truly don't want in any way to seem ungrateful. Almost as though if I admit it, I will suddenly be stricken with every trial in the book. However, pretending that I'm not in a mode of self pity may fool the rest of the world, but never fools Him.
I was having a conversation with one of my best friends last week that really helped me, because I realized that I am not alone in this feeling. You know, the feeling like "everything really is just fine and great...in fact, there really isn't even anything to put my finger on that could pin point why, but I'm just 'down' about something". It's really frustrating to admit, because you look around at all of the things going on around you that others are struggling with and dealing with, and feel so incredibly ungrateful and selfish for ever being unhappy when there are so many more suffering so much more deeply than I could ever imagine. I really, really have felt guilty.
Now lets just get it out there in the open, the first week that brought this on was hormonal...that uncontrollable time of the month when "the sky is falling" and you can't seem to bring yourself out of this self dug rut. Usually I can talk myself up and out of it in a matter of a day or two. For me, the rut lasted a few weeks. I had disappointments and rough things that happened throughout the week, but no more than just living a normal life. Nothing life changing or altering. But I started realizing last week, after my conversation with my friend, that I was feeling this way for a reason. I started realizing and feeling from the Spirit, that the more blessings I am given, the more responsibility that I have to share my blessings and spread a positive and grateful attitude in result. It really made me realize that it is not the actual "blessings" that make us happy, its the acknowledgement of those blessings and what we do with them that our happiness lies. We can have every "THING" in the world that we could dream of, never having to deal with pain and heartache, and never truly be happy because we don't recognize and share it. I felt after that conversation, the Spirit telling me, "Okay, so here you've been blessed. Do you think it was all for naught? Do you think it was something that you are supposed to just put in your pocket for safe keeping and just look at when you need to be lifted up? Or do you think maybe you were given these blessings for a reason?" And I really felt like a spoiled brat...what, am I just "entitled" to blessings? No strings attached, no responsibility required? Just receive and benefit alone? Obviously, my conscience replied an astounding "No."
I can't say that immediately, my heart has turned to gold, and that I have been Miss Positivity. But I have truly felt the Spirit speaking to me, since I've been listening, in helping me to recognize why I've been blessed with the things that I have.
I was able to attend a Youth Trek in my stake this weekend, to reenact the our pioneer ancestry's trail to Zion. Marc and I were a Ma and Pa, and we were over seven kids, and walked a total of about fifteen miles in the mountains pushing a handcart. We sat on buckets for rest, and slept on the ground at night. We ate dirt (literally) as we walked, and nursed sunburns and blisters. And nothing that we went through, felt like a trial. Each story we heard about things that the pioneers endured humbled my heart to my immense blessings. The testimonies I heard from those on the trek, and the conversations I had with people I met, made me realize how blessed I am, not just in a modern sense. There are so many people that have dealt with so many things that I can't even comprehend, past and present, and I have truly been humbled by their shared experiences, and by the realization of how blessed I am. But also by the realization of how well our Father in Heaven knows us. By the realization that even when we are faced with trials, its not that we are not blessed, but that he desires to bless us further.
My heart was full, and for me, writing is an outlet. I felt as though my blog was a way I could express this and I appreciate those of you who have taken the time to share my thoughts with me.
So, not for the first time in my life, and definitely not being the last, I can sit back and truly feel that I am blessed.