"Weight" a Second, Before you Comment

Weight is a sensitive subject. It's always been for me, and I think pretty much can be for everyone. I always thought if you were really skinny, you didn't worry about weight until I had a very, very naturally thin friend who couldn't gain weight. She really has a hard time with being called "skinny" or people thinking she has an eating disorder when she doesn't, and I've realized that all around, weight is something that people of all shapes and sizes struggle with. Now, when I think the words "can't gain weight", there's a big part of me that wants to say, "Wow, wish I had that problem." But, I have learned. I have learned you pretty much, just don't say anything unless its a compliment, about someone else's weight or figure.

How many times have you heard someone say (or have had it said to you, or said it YOURSELF) something about a pregnant woman's size? "You look like you're about ready to pop!" "You must be due any second." "You've GOT to be having twins!" Or, on the flip side, "You're baby is going to be unhealthy, you are too small and must not be eating enough." (Okay, that's the only one I can think of on that flip side, but you get the idea.) I personally said something one time that I can remember when I was fifteen...I asked a friends mom when she was due, and she had already had her baby, like a month or two earlier.

Yeah, embarrassing...for both of us.

But also, I had someone ask me when I was due, when I had my three week old sitting in her car seat in the shopping cart that I was PUSHING!!! Like, hello...I may LOOK pregnant still, but be a little more observant and THINK before you comment. My baby is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

Wow, that obviously STILL brings up emotions. ha ha

I've heard over and over, "Everyone's body is different." But, no matter how much truth there is to that statement, we all compare ourselves and eachother. And comparing, is what drives our weight comments and gets people in to trouble, and hurts people's feelings.

The driving force of this post for me, is more funny than serious. Which I'll explain in a second. However, weight is a very serious issue for a lot of people. Something that consumes peoples thoughts; effects their everyday lives. I've been the victim of weight comments that have crippled me...but have also been the beneficiary of compliments that have sent me soaring on cloud nine for days! What we say to other's about it, is THAT effective. I don't care who you are, or what you look like.

Sometimes its hard to know. Sometimes you think you are complimenting someone and, well there are some people out there (me) who are super sensitive, and sometimes take things the wrong way. You can't always know how people are going to react. But ultimately, I think a good rule of thumb, not just with weight, but with ANY comment, is to wait and second and think about how your comment might sound, and how that person might feel about it, before you say it. And if there is any doubt it might come out wrong, or hurt their feelings, chances are, they are much better off having not heard a comment at all.

K, now to the reason I even had this subject on my mind. So, I'm at the grocery store picking up some stuff for my Young Women activity. I had Montana with me, and since we were only picking up a few things, I didn't have a cart, and she was just walking with me and holding my hand. We were going to the self check-out line, since I only had a few items...

(Side note...that was the FIRST time that stupid machine hasn't given me problems. Probably because I only had like three items. I get so mad when she flips out on me for bagging or not bagging my dang item. Seriously, on shopping trips where you have more than a few items, totally not worth your time. Marc has made it his challenge though to beat the machine, and has prided himself in making it through the Self Check-Out Nazi with more than a few items and without any "bagging comments" from her. ha ha).

Anyway, so on our way to the check out, this other little girl runs over to Montana and says, "Hi." So her mother and I just kind of let them interract for a second. I told her mother how beautiful her little girl was (because she really was! She was the cutest little african american girl, with the most adorable braids in her hair). She said, "Thank you!", very proudly. "Okay, okay," I tell myself, "she doesn't have to say it back to you about Tana just because you said it. You already know Montana is cute. You're so sensitive!"

We ask each other the age of our daughters...her's is two. So five months older than Montana. She was a petite little thing. But then the mother proceeded to say, "Wow. She is a big girl for her age. How much does she weigh?" Okay, to me...it was like telling ME that I was a big girl and asking me how much I weighed! This again, could just be me being overly sensitive, but the more I talk to friends, I don't think anyone likes it when people make comments about their kids being big. PLUS, I'm so confused because I've heard the exact opposite from other people that she is small for her age.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter, but I just had to laugh at myself, because I got in the car and was driving away thinking about it and about how I felt just as offended as if someone had asked me how much I weighed, surprised at how "big" I was for my age. I KNOW I was being overly sensitive to it, but it just really got me thinking about what we say to others and how it affects us.

So, I feel like I learned a lesson in thinking before speaking and being more aware of what I say and how it will affect someone else.