Wednesday, July 28, 2010
21 Days to an All Around Better Me
If I had to sum this day up in one word I would have to call it bipolar. It was up one minute, stressful the next, happy, tired...just so many things. I mean, generally it was a good day, but I struggled with my mood. Just me though, no one else in my family really. I think I know why and I think it has a lot to do with today's challenge from the 21 Days book. (But now, it's Thursday. I was in a weird mood last night and didn't want to write in a weird mood, so I'm continuing this post as if it was yesterday.) As I go through my checklist, you will see why I call it bipolar...
Scripture Study: I read what went along with the topic of the day in the Closer to Christ book. That was Mark 9:17-27. The story about the man who came to Jesus to heal his son of his "dumb spirit" (verse 17). He said to the Lord, "..if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us " (verse 22). The Lord answered, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." (verse 23). The Lord is waiting to help us...it's not an IF he can help us, it's if we believe that He can.
Prayer- I definitely have...I am just looking for more time to devote to being in my "sycamore tree" without distraction. I couldn't find it today, as my children were up by six, so I told Montana I needed to go say a prayer in my closet. She asked me to pray out loud and not in my mind. So I knelt at the end of my bed, with my kids listening and said a prayer as if they weren't there. She was quiet and I'm grateful for moments when she can see that.
21 Days Closer to Christ book- The challenge after reading the above scripture was to identify an area where I feel I am not enough. Then to take it to the Lord and plead my case in prayer. And then ask for greater faith to believe that He could help me in my weakness.
I wasn't planning on divulging what I feel is one of my areas of weakness...where I constantly feel I am not enough, but I feel like it's therapeutic for me to be able to vent those feelings. I honestly feel and worry and wonder everyday if I am a good enough mother. How are the things I'm doing everyday positively or negatively affecting the people they will become? Are my priorities where they should be? Am I putting them before myself enough? I lay in bed awake at night sometimes and panic that I am going to screw this up...the most important work that I will EVER do in this life. However, I KNOW that the Lord knows exactly what I need to be doing. And I prayed for Him to help me be better. To help me to be more patient. To discipline correctly. To be prompted on how to parent. So, He gave me lots of situations yesterday to learn to be patient. He prompted me during a time when I was trying to teach, a way to properly discipline my daughter. And He reprimanded me, and I didn't listen ,when I put mopping my floors and cleaning my house before my children for a moment. I desired to mop that floor more than anything. I JUST wanted a moment to focus on the one task. Start it and then see it to it's completion. Can't I just have that ONE thing, Heavenly Father? Is that such a selfish thing to ask? Yet, Montana continued to need me for this, that and the other thing. And Carson continued to whine in his swing. My answer was, "No, right now, this isn't the important thing. You have plenty of other times that you can choose to put your own desires off to mop this floor. Sacrifice going for a run tonight if you have to, but you've already spent your time today doing other things, you NEED to put down the mop and tend to your children right now." I still didn't listen, even as these words echoed in my mind like a song you can't get out of your head. Finally, when the chaos was too much to bear, when the mop literally was slipping out of my hands, when Montana spilt juice in a spot I had just mopped, when Carson's whines turned into a cry and I felt as if a force was keeping me from accomplishing the task to my physical capability that I KNEW I had, I finally heeded the promptings. I sat on the couch. I comforted my fussy baby. I gave attention to my little girl who just wanted me to watch her sing a song. Was that all she had been asking me that whole time? Did I even hear WHAT she was asking? I seriously tuned her out, didn't I? At those moments, I hit the low side of my bipolar day. I felt like, not only is my floor still dirty, but I'm a horrible mother that I care more about that than taking the time to cherish these moments. Then, I shook it off and enjoyed Montana's song. I nursed my baby. And then I experienced the high side of my bipolar day. There are plenty more examples of my up and down day, but this for sure was the time it all came to a head. The Lord was trying to teach me, show me and basically SCREAM at me, how to be better. I believed that He could and He answered. He was there and He didn't give up on me. Love this video from the church on motherhood---it completely encompasses how we all feel as mothers. (click the link)
Physical Exercise- My friend and I ran together again, and tonight was much easier. I went to the bathroom before, I hydrated myself and I let a lighter dinner digest. We ran about 4.5 miles on a rocky, someone hilly terrain. It kicked my butt...but it was nice because the times I lagged and my dear friend Sammy ran ahead, I had a goal to look at in front of me. This mama of two has a rockin' body and her determination is inspiring.
Healthy Eating-I just realized I've been leaving this part out the last few times. It wasn't purposeful. (You're all saying, yeah right!?) But, anyway, yes, I am doing pretty good. My menu for the week was set up of healthy meals for dinner and I didn't buy anything at the grocery store that would compromise my healthy eating. When I want to eat bad, I have to get creative-
like open up my bag of chocolate chips.
30 Minutes with Montana- I could have done better today, the time was more broken apart but I focused the morning on taking her to get her hair cut. Then later I did spend some time letting her sing her songs and do a concert for me. Look at my beauty getting a haircut-
Wake up at 6:30- Yes, my kids feel it necessary to rise with the sun lately. Oh joy.
Daily Chore- Yes, I did. It was the floors and dusting. But, I did a little more than that. And then I get on an out of control cleaning frenzy- which is why I have to keep myself to a daily schedule. Otherwise, I lose focus and get lost in a world of clorox and pine-sol.
Showing Spousal Love- My third child (my hubby) is a sicky. He came home, opened up the medicine cabinet, looked in for a quick second and then said, "I don't know what to do. Take care of me." I went to Walgreens and got some stuff to take care of my feverish, achy man and wished he would keep himself home from work in the morning so I could snuggle him and kiss his forehead and check his temperature, like I would any of my other babies. He LOVES to be taken care of when he's sick. I asked him a sarcastic, rhetorical question yesterday and then answered it in the same breath, "Who takes care of me when I'm sick? No one...". He smoothly responded, "Because you're the mama and you're superwoman. That's how mama's are made." Hmmm....is that a compliment or a cop out? I'll take the compliment because either way, I'll still be taking care of sicky's forever and still be taking care of myself when I'm sick. That's my job...I'm "SUPERMAMA"... (I think...I hope). Anyway, I gave him some Tylenol cold, knocked him out, snuggled him as he lay there drugged and comatose (he talked to me in his sleep- he never remembers that. Something about tri-tip and the stock market dropping) and I had control of the remote. Sounds like spousal love to me...
...until tonight for Day 17...
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