21 Days: Day 4

Friday, July 16, 2010

21 Days to an All Around Better Me

I debated what to say about Day 4. I contemplated fluffing it, to make it pretty and smell nice. I worried about what the honesty of this day would say about my 21 day process and the possibility that it may take the validity away from this ultimately being a positive thing. But, then I realized that in order to truly get out of this process what I needed, I had to accept and be honest about it, and my feelings around it, to even get out of it what I need to. At the end of this day, I am finally to a point where I think I can make sense of why it was the way it was...and now, I will attempt to stop being so vague...

Today sorta just sucked. Yup, that's the consensus (in my own personal forum of me, myself and I). Sure, I went through my steps, there were positive things about the day, but overall, I had feelings of conflict all day. Internally I struggled a little bit just with the fact that I wasn't floating on cloud nine. Shouldn't I be? Shouldn't the Spirit and the uplifting that comes with it, float me over any semi- negative moment or feeling? After all, I felt I was doing most everything possible to invite that Spirit. I know I'm risking sounding like I think I'm doing everything perfect...because I know I'm not, but if one is to truly be honest with themselves, there has to be an admittance that certain good behavior expects a certain level of positivity and the fluffy, yummy, pretty smelling things to abound.

Today was not fluffy, not yummy, and definitely didn't smell pretty. I did a lot of things to try to make that happen, but it seemed every corner I turned took a stumbling block. Again, I realize I'm being vague. As some of todays events are too personal to share, I'll just mention a few to paint the scratch and sniff picture on my stinky day. So I'm paying bills and budgeting (which already, is kind of a lame activity for the day, we all have to admit), and I realize as I go to pay my DMV registration that I have to get a smog check. Due soon. For a mom with a lot on her plate, fitting something like that in takes a fair amount of bravery and patience to take 2 kids to any sort of automotive place that you have to wait. Also, today, I got an excited 3 year old all dressed up for ballet only to find out that the class had been cancelled completely since we were the only ones to sign up, but no one remembered to call me. And I had a disappointed, yet extremely adorable ballerina, standing looking at me with puppy dog eyes as I tried to explain to her what happened and why were walking back out in the 100 degree heat instead of pirouetting in the air conditioned ballet room. Back to being vague, plans falling through, air conditioning issues on an extremely HOT day and misunderstandings with someone also put a significant damper on my day. I was sort of starting to get discouraged.

I thought on the Closer to Christ book- and what I had read this morning. Today was about trial, and not giving up during trial, but rather looking back at our lives at trial and what principles like prayer, scripture study, etc., helped get us through those times. The challenge was to apply one of those principles in our lives to make it through trials we currently face.

Okay, now at the end of the day, it feels like it was stamped in red letters on the page, "TODAY YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO ENDURE TRIAL". Of course that's a way to get closer to Christ, to learn to deal with trial in the way that Christ, the one who suffered ALL, got through everything He faced. Well, now I actually feel REALLY silly while my trials absolutely pale in comparison to those He faced, and many other faced during the day.

Part of the scripture reading with todays lesson was the Biblical story of the woman who reached out to touch the hem of Christ's robe having the faith to be healed, if only by touching His clothes. He turned to her, out of the crowd and told her that her faith made her whole. And she was healed.

What a lesson, that no matter the trial, our faith can help heal our hearts through any trial or difficulty we face. That all we need do is trust in the Lord, and align our will with His, and know that He will help us through.

So, at the end of it all, I am ultimately grateful for today and what it taught me. Every good and worthwhile thing gained in life, comes with hard work. I guess I should know that by doing this completely the right way, I'd encounter times that weren't so fluffy and beautiful. That, doing what would be pleasing to the Lord would only bring upon me the wrath of the Adversary who wants me doing the opposite. And ultimately, if I'm experiencing some growing pains was sort of the purpose.

Anyway, so hopefully my ramblings as I came to my own conclusion and had my "moral of the day" made some literary sense to you, but even if it didn't it's okay, because after this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I can truly say I feel stronger, smarter and better because of it. And now maybe, I will know how to apply those lessons earlier in the morning on the next stinky day.

So, here's my stats for the day...

Scripture Study- This morning, I studied 1 Nephi Chapter 14 . And all I have to say is, I know where I want to stand at the last day (see verse 10) and that I want to be counted among those who follow the Lamb of God. Between the promises of "peace and eternal life" (verse 7) or the "wrath of God" (verse 17), I choose the former.

Personal Prayer- This was my coping mechanism today. This is what I learned helps me through times of trial- the principle that I can always apply and turn to for comfort. Honestly, that and writing. Writing is so therapeutic and cathartic for me. It's like the words flow out the answers to questions my mind is asking but only my heart has the answers to. Almost like prayers being answered as I type what comes to me. The feeling amazes me.

21 Days Closer to Christ book- As I mentioned above, I learned my lesson for sure from this book today. This was the whole basis of my blog so, it goes without saying, but yes, I would say I accomplished this task today.

Physical- I woke up early again and worked out before the kids woke up. If I can get myself up and going, this is ideally the best time for me to work out. I feel so invigorated and charged for the day this way.

Healthy eating with food log- I have to say, the log is turning out to be a challenge for me, so I can improve on this area. And although I ate pretty healthily, we did go out to dinner and enjoy some sushi with our great friends today. I always eat too much at Mikuni. Heaven in my mouth. But, I eat well through the day, got my vitamins and drank my protien shake. Today was a little easier to get down- I just plugged my nose and pretended I was on Fear Factor on my way to winning 50,000 dollars! :)

MOTHER/WIFE

30 minutes with Montana- Today was busy, and so one on one time was harder to come by, but we got her three new Dr Seuss books at Costco today, and she and I enjoyed that time alone reading right before bed.

Daily Household Chore- Budgeting/ Bill Pay and more laundry. Blah to it all, but CHECK to it all also! :)

Wake up at 6:30am- Make that 5:50am...(how am I still awake right now??).

Lastly, I just realized that in the Mother/Wife section I didn't really include anything that ultimately makes me a better wife. I know it's sort of late to tack things on, but I think I need to add a category for that.

Do something nice and specifically for my husband every day to let him know how much I love and appreciate him- I'm not sure I even did anything that specific to let him know, other than telling him. I guess this is why this needs to be added to the check list.

There ya have it folks, Day 4 done and gone (good riddance...joking). No but seriously, it'd be great if Day 5 could be a better day. I'm hoping and praying for the best. But ultimately, I am learning and growing so much already from this process, that I welcome whatever Day 5 will bring.